This is about Shark Tank, the TV show.  Lots of  people equate starting and investing in businesses to Shark Tank. It's the gold standard. The north star. The bee's knees. Any other superlatives you can think of. 

People love it! It’s one of the most popular and long-running TV shows on the planet.

I should love it, too...... but I don't. I try not to watch it. It makes me nervous. 

I have often wondered why. Today, I forced myself to watch it again, while on the elliptical machine at the gym. I was trapped, with the TV on the wall in front of me so that I could not ignore it, no matter how hard I "ellipted". 

So I watched, nervously, and studied, and I wondered, “Are any of these companies actually successful, or is this all just the drama of deal pitching?” 

Diving In

I did a little research after I got home from the gym. Luckily, the website, Slidebean has answered virtually all of the questions I had in my mind.

Let’s look at the stats:

• 13 - the number of seasons Shark Tank has been on air

• 520,000 applications - Approximate number of total applications in during those 13 years, assuming an average of 40,000/year

• 1187 - the number of companies which have appeared on the total episodes

• $207mm - Value of deals which have been made (but not necessarily closed) 

• 350 - approximate number of companies which actually CLOSED deals, and are part of the $207mm valuation of total deals.

• 268 - of those 350 companies which closed deals, the number that still exist (as of August 2022)

• 66 - of those 350 companies which closed deals, are out of business

• 15 - of those 350 companies, which sold during that period (as of August 2022)

So, let's get this straight.  Out of more than 500,000 companies that applied to be on Shark Tank, only 350 of those actually closed deals with the sharks, and only 15 of those have sold in 13 YEARS???! 

While it's true that staying in business and generating revenue can also be considered a form of success, most founders start businesses with the ultimate goal of achieving a profitable exit. 

This is akin to the famous quote by bank robber Willie Sutton, who, when asked why he robbed banks, replied "because that's where the money is". 

For founders, the ultimate objective is to create a successful business that they can eventually sell, as that is where the most significant business rewards are reaped.

Chimpanzees vs. Sharks

Over the past 13 years, Shark Tank has featured over 30 different sharks, including some of the most famous business folks in the world: Mark Cuban, Kevin O'Leary, Barbara Corcoran and Daymond John– and even some surprising celebrity guests such as Ashton Kutcher (who knew?). These folks looked at 1187 different deals, collectively– meaning that they had each other– not only for friendly competition, but also for the power of group analytics. 

Mind you, these 1187 companies were HEAVILY vetted and screened out the wazoo before they would ever be let on the actual show. Plucked from an enormous sampling of over 500,000 company applications over a 13-year period. 

Despite my respect for all of the sharks (including Mark Cuban, who is one of my heroes), I would bet that a chimpanzee with a dart could have picked 15 investments that would sell, from this large of a sampling, over this long of a period. 

Perhaps the famous "investment chimpanzee" strikes again, not only skilled at picking random stocks for its yearly portfolio, routinely beating the selections of professional investment advisors.

I never realized or considered these details until my entrapment on the elliptical machine at the gym today. But maybe... just MAYBE, I intuited some of these conclusions, or at least sensed the general idea, in my deep-seated nervousness about Shark Tank.

I get it— Shark Tank is entertainment. It's a stylized presentation of what it's like to start a business, pitch it, have investors critique it and bask in the glory of fame and fortune.  Shark Tank is to business as Real Housewives of Orange County is to marriage and friendship. Or to put it another way… Shark Tank is to business and business folks, what the Roman Gladiators are to sport and sportsmanship. 

If you are there for the Gladiator-style thumbs up or thumbs down, you are in the right place. Picture yourself investing your life's savings into your dream business— everything you've ever worked for, your entire vision of a bright future— all tied up in the invention you've created. As you walk, alone, down the long hallway towards the coliseum, the ominous theme song of the show pounding in your ears, you realize that you're about to face the sharks— powerful and hungry investors, ready to devour your every word.

I have been that person, in such a place as that.  

Do you think the producers, directors, investors, or almost anybody else associated with Shark Tank care about this? Do you believe that even a small percentage of those 1187 company founders who appeared on the show over 13 years really understood what they were getting into? Would watching Shark Tank be way less fun for you, if you stopped and thought about all of this stuff?  

The Lion Feasts Tonight

Maybe I have answered my own question, at least for myself. Shark Tank is no fun for me. It feels exploitative, not true to the soul of entrepreneurialism, strictly performative and disrespectful to the show's contestants. I suspect it must have been fun for some to watch that lion eat a slave on the floor of the Coliseum, but I would not have liked that, and I don't like Shark Tank, either. 

For that reason, I’m out.