Oops...I may have just lost half of my readers. Who am I referring to? Everyone wrapped up in “hustle culture,” of course. On the other side of the coin, there may be some of you telling yourself, “Why do I need to read this stupid essay? I am already pretty good at underachieving.”

WHAT I MEAN BY “UNDERACHIEVING”

I’ve just spent a week on a boat with ten wonderful, very accomplished people. I could tell from the very start that they were going to put 110 percent of their efforts into their vacation. And they did. However, amongst these exalted souls, I dared to pronounce that my goal for our voyage, (and ultimately, the entire year) was to be an underachiever. This was not well-received. 

Regardless of an icy reception, everyone still had fun. It’s just that they appeared to be putting 110 percent into having fun as opposed to my, shall we say… “less than” 100 percent effort. 

So, I am writing this today in hopes of getting a proper hearing! Let’s examine, or shall we say, self-rationalize, what this might mean. 

“MAXIMIZE YOUR PRODUCTIVITY,” THEY SAY

All through growing up, I was taught to maximize my productivity. I plan, make lists, schedule out my time, pare down, and lean up—all so I can fit more, go more, do more, and be more. I’ve achieved a lot by going down this rabbit hole, but occasionally the rabbits talk. They tell me that overachieving can also become a bad habit. (Chickens with their heads cut off have nothing on scampering rabbits when it comes to running endless circles.) The rabbits no doubt call this practice "overachieving."

One particular rabbit, on a break from scampering, told me about this concept of “toxic productivity,” defined as overworking at the expense of your mental and physical well-being, relationships, and more. It’s a mindset that manifests as the need to constantly “do.”

That's why we sometimes need to practice underachieving. Keyword here, is “sometimes.”

HUMAN BEINGS, NOT HUMAN DOINGS

There's a great quote attributed to practically everyone, including the Dalai Lama, Kurt Vonnegut, and Rick Warren. It goes, “we are human beings, not human doings.”

Underachieving is about being, not doing. 

It’s not about going for the gold and getting half; It’s about going for half and getting three-quarters. Strangely enough, those three-quarters are often better than some people’s 100 percent, and can be achieved with much less effort and stress than that 100 percent you thought you were supposed to be shooting for.

IS “LAGOM” THE SWEDISH VERSION OF “OM”?

The writer Ellen Scott suggests that we follow the Swedish practice of “lagom.” The phrase roughly translates to “not too much, not too little” – something that can be applied to all aspects of life (which might be particularly pertinent for winter workaholics, which I assume virtually all Swedes must be, based on those fine Volvo cars they make.)

According to lagom, instead of busting ass, you should take a break, have a nice little cake, some hot tea, and stare aimlessly at the northern lights. All of this sounds pretty good to me.

Essentially, taking your foot off the peddle of your Volvo every once in a while makes for a sustainable, more balanced way of life.

The Dalai Lama tells us this too, right? In fact, there’s the common “Om” found in Buddhism, Jainism, Hinduism, Sikhism, the list goes on. “Om,” being the primordial sound of the universe, is also the supreme absolute, or consciousness itself. It’s the sound you hear in chants and when you achieve nirvana.

Sounds like they would back me up here. 

HOLD THE BIRD

Another ancient Zen philosopher similarly summed up this concept of “underachieving” with advice about doing something virtually nobody ever does—holding wild birds in our hands. 

Stay with me here. This sage advises us to, “hold the sparrow tight enough so that it will not fly away, but not so tight that you crush and kill the sparrow.” 

If there were a percentage effort ascribed to "underachieving," it might be 50 percent. Holding that sparrow feels like my 50 percent.

Now, this sparrow-holding business may not have utility for your daily grind. Maybe you’re even more like Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, who famously said “Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.” And if that's your jam, go for it! 

But if you want to consider a few tips to underachieve at the level you find most suitable for you, here are some ideas:

• Cut back on the boomer dad, bad advice. If you are like me, you actually DO know everything. However, if you underachieve when it comes to giving advice, or act like you only know half of what you actually know, you might be surprised how much more everybody appreciates what you DO know. Heck, they might even listen to your bad advice.

• Don't always try to be the lead dog. Yes, we DO know that old saying, “Unless you are the lead dog, the view never changes.” But really? Is that true? There must be other things for the second dog to look at besides the lead dog's ass. The passing scenery, nice bushes they might like to mark, the other dogs in the pack, maybe even the blue sky and sunshine above them. But if you are obsessed with always being the lead dog, you have not figured this out yet.

• Try to handle the pressure of not winning every time. Okay, competition is fun, and winning can be way more fun than losing. Nevertheless, there is joy to be found when you stop worrying about winning. Pro athletes claim this is the famous "zone;" the zone where they can maximize their skills during competition.  This begs the question, is "underachieving" actually "the zone?"

• Learn to occasionally keep your mouth shut. Underachieving can be great when it comes to expressing your opinions. Likewise, overachieving can be great when listening to what others have to say (especially, if you don’t agree with them). Or, as an old Texas rancher once told me, "never miss a chance to hush up."

• Practice underachieving in your whining.  Trust me, your 50 percent whining effort is more than adequate. We hear you...your life is hard. Leave it at that. 

THE REAL HONEST-TO-GOODNESS TRUTH

This last piece of advice hurts me so much to tell you that I’ve broken it out from the others, which already have their own bullet points. But this one gets its own paragraph, so it’s extra special. It’s about telling your jokes. You know who you are! (Says me to me.)

Here is the truth: nobody likes or even thinks 50 percent of your jokes are funny. If you don’t cut back on your bad jokes now, this number will become 100 percent.  

There is a difference between underachieving, and not achieving. Quit while you are behind. That’s the honest TRUTH. 

I’ll leave you with this.

"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.” 

-David Foster Wallace